Why am I afraid to talk about some things? I think I have this innocence that I don't want to lose, which is completely ridiculous because it doesn't really exist at all. I feel as though I stuck in this world submitting to reservations I don't even have. Is it all the 'girl talk' I've missed over the past four years? Everyone wants to be one of the women on sex and the city, to have that kind of closeness and inhibition.

When I was in high school I was really the only member of my group of friends actually having sex, and so I learned to keep it to myself and it would have been a mostly one sided conversation. It would have been weird giggling with my mother, but in retrospect she probably would have been okay with it. and most of my other friends were guys. It's actually almost always been that way. I don't think I give girls enough credit sometimes, I have this stereotypical view of how all women are and it stops me from actually getting close to them. It's really all my fault.

[brief aside: Nietzsche would have thought I was a strong willed person, I never hesitate to take responsibility for my own mistakes. :)]

So here I am with these things I can't discuss, with no real explanation of why. I can't even write fiction that would be rated and worse than PG. Maybe it's time for a revolution.